you don't share fries with strangers
by galsbeingpals
Summary: a swan queen story, set a month after 5x21. emma is an echo of her former self, and after an innocent dinner sparks a whole lot of jealousy, regina concocts the perfect plan to restore the blonde to her irritating glory. featuring henry, his grandparents, and the female dating pool of storybrooke. rating subject to change with later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**you don't share fries with strangers**

summary:

a swan queen story, set a month after 5x21. emma is an echo of her former self, and after an innocent dinner sparks a whole lot of jealousy, regina concocts the perfect plan to restore the blonde to her irritating glory. featuring henry, his grandparents, and the female dating pool of storybrooke. rating subject to change with later chapters.

BREAK

Regina swept her eyes around the elaborate room one more time. Her office, soon to be dust. The demolition hadn't been her idea, but she'd be lying if she didn't admit some relief at the decision. While she was no stranger to witnessing the deaths of those closest to her, the death of her boyfriend, a month ago now, tore at her heart in a way she'd rather not be constantly reminded of. What the rest of Storybrooke didn't know was that the tearing was largely that of guilt, rather than loss. Guilt that she hadn't loved him enough, that she didn't miss him enough, that she might not have done the same for him. Of course, she consoled herself, she would have done something far cleverer which resulted in neither of them dying, like pushed him out of the way. But that didn't mean she loved him. It just meant she was a decent human being.

Well, mostly. Halfway decent, perhaps. Not entirely vile. Any more.

She waved her hand and the boxes of belongings she'd collected floated into the air and out of the door. City hall had been temporarily relocated to the convent, since the fairies didn't actually use it as a convent any more anyway. Regina felt queasy at the idea of them flapping about in her mayoral business, but at least she would be Mayor again - Snow White and Blue had united against her (not for the first time, she had repeatedly reminded them) and forced her to take several weeks personal leave. Regina supposed it hadn't been _that_ bad, she'd spent most of the time with Henry when he wasn't at school and they were closer even than during Operation Mongoose. Speak of the angel-

 _ **Mom, are you still inside?**_

 _Just coming, dear. Where are you?_

 _ **Waiting…**_

Regina hurried out of the building to find Henry looking amusedly at the boxes sailing off down the street.

"Are they going to tip themselves out over Blue's head?" he asked, smirking.

"That is a fantastic idea. Next time, perhaps. I fear I must be on my best behaviour if I want to be allowed to return to my job."

Regina gave Henry a hug and they walked over to the car.

"How was school?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. Why do you have to be on your best behaviour? You haven't done anything wrong."

"No, but if I show even the slightest sign of emotional instability, you know your grandmother, she'll likely force me to spend another month being paid to sit around and do nothing, while you are at school," she added pointedly, wanting to make it clear she appreciated the extra time with him.

"It's okay, Mom, I know you're getting bored. It is nice to see more of you, though. There's always some disaster. But I guess that comes with the territory."

"The territory of having a former Evil Queen for a mother?"

Henry chuckled. "No, the territory of _both_ my moms being powerful, badass sorceresses. Although I am a bit worried about Emma lately…"

Regina resisted the urge to give him a kiss for being so lovely, and wondered how to deal with the Emma issue.

"I think… I think Emma is… I think it would be good if all three of us sat down and had a talk soon. But I don't think we should talk about her behind her back. That's not fair, and I know I used to hate it when I thought you talked to her about your problems with me."

Henry nodded, understanding the parallels. "I'm sorry about that-"

"There's no need to apologise, love. I was evil, then, and I deserved the discomfort. But Emma is not, and does not. Now, you still owe me an account of your day!"

Henry rolled his eyes, but secretly liked that his mother was so interested. It was far better than the alternative; grey, blank stares and drifting attention.

"...and I got an A on my math test," he finished gleefully.

"An A! Oh Henry, that's wonderful." Henry had never been particularly gifted at math and missing so much school hadn't helped matters, but not much could stop him when he was determined. Regina was very pleased he had chosen to be determined about his report card this semester.

Henry smiled the special smile he used when he wanted something. Regina wondered why he'd left the test result until last…

"Tell me what you want, dear. At least that way you have some chance of getting it."

Henry grinned more naturally. "Well, it's been a while since we ate at Granny's… I was wondering, since I got an A, if we could maybe go there for dinner?"

Regina shook her head at his wheedling tone. In truth, she had been avoiding the diner, or rather, the people in it. Pity had never been something she could stomach, even when she was forced to marry Leopold. She took her pain with her head held high and defied anyone to express sympathy for her.

"Yes, we can go," she decided. It had been long enough. She was the Mayor, she had to live in her town. "But Henry, it's not because you got an A. The reward is for your hard work, not the result."

He made a face. "You mean you would have taken me even if I'd gotten a D?"

Regina laughed. "If you had worked as hard as you could. So, probably not."

"But on principle, yes?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Yes. Do you want to go now?"

"Yes please! Can I get milkshake?"

Regina turned the car. He might be a teenager but he was definitely still a child.

"A _small_ one."

"Chocolate?"

"If you must."

"Can I dip my fries in it?"

Regina cackled. "Not if I catch you."

"What if I give you some?"

Regina never ordered fries for herself, but she often snaffled several of Henry's or, in the days when they'd still eaten together, Emma's.

"Are they really nice, dipped in that sugary sludge?"

She was driving towards Granny's now, along main street.

"Yeah," Henry said, looking out of the window at the shops they were passing. Several were still in a state of disrepair; the town had not prospered in the absence of its leaders. "I mean, ketchup actually has a lot of sugar in too."

"It does?"

"Uhuh. Most condiments do."

"Well, you learn something new every day. We did not have condiments like that in the enchanted forest. And when I was a child I was not allowed to drink milk, let alone _shaken_ milk."

"Why weren't you allowed milk? Didn't they have cows?"

Regina laughed. "They had cows. But milk was considered a peasant's drink, and fattening besides."

"You should've told them it's good for your teeth and bones, and that consuming fat is fine as long as it's part of a healthy diet and active lifestyle."

"This modern world… But you're right, of course. And if I had known, I would have told them."

"I'm glad you came here instead. I don't think I would've liked growing up there."

Regina had to agree. She was very glad she had raised her child in this realm, not least because of washing machines and disposable diapers.

They reached the diner. Regina parked, noticing a familiar yellow bug also stationary at the side of the road. She wasn't sure if she wanted to meet Emma or not. Oh, Gods, perhaps she was on a date. At least she was with Henry, so it wouldn't be too bad.

They walked in, the tinkle of the bell announcing their presence to the entire room and ensuring every head turned to see them. Regina smiled her public smile, Henry ducked half behind her, and Mulan, the latest addition to the diner's staff now that Ruby was living in Oz with Dorothy, seemed to notice Regina's desire for some semblance of privacy and motioned for them to sit in the last available booth.

She followed them over there, which Regina found odd, but it was explained as soon as they sat down.

"My shift's about to finish," Mulan said as she wiped the tabletop, respecting Regina's fondness for over-cleanliness, "but Nova really hasn't got the hang of things yet. I can take your order now and make sure it gets to the kitchen correctly, although I can't promise she won't drop it on you when she brings it out."

Regina wondered what had earned them the special treatment, though she had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the continuing belief throughout the town that she was some kind of grief stricken mess who would explode (and potentially turn full on Evil Queen) at the slightest mishap.

"Thank you, but don't worry. I am sure Nova will be fine," Regina said stiffly.

"If you say so," Mulan replied, a little surprised.

"That tone is unnecessary. I appreciate your kindness but I do not require special treatment because of… Because of what happened a month ago. We are doing very well."

Henry was staring intently at his phone, his cheeks reddening at his mother's behaviour. He liked Mulan - couldn't his mom just have taken her offer at face value? But that wouldn't have been Regina Mills…

"I didn't offer because of _that_!" Mulan exclaimed rather emphatically. "Honestly, I would have made the same offer to anyone. She's a lovely girl- fairy- woman- person but she's a terrible waitress and I wouldn't wish her order scrambling on anyone."

Regina blushed a little. "Oh… I apologise, then. I misunderstood."

Henry cleared his throat. Regina raised an eyebrow, not understanding. He kicked her under the table, looking pointedly at Mulan.

"Er, thank you very much," Regina said to the waitress, who was trying not to laugh.

Henry kicked his mom again, harder.

"Ow! Henry, please just tell me what you want me to do."

Henry rolled his eyes, then had a brainwave. He took out his phone. Regina was baffled. Mulan watched them, not bothering to hide her amusement any more.

 _ **Ask her to eat with us!**_

 _Why?_

 _ **Because you were really rude to her and she doesn't know anyone very well and she's just gonna go upstairs, alone, to hang out in Ruby's room.**_

"How do you know that?" Regina blurted out loud.

"I just do! _Mom_."

Regina sighed.

"Mulan, my son and I were wondering if you would like to eat dinner with us. On me, of course."

"Really? I would never have guessed," Mulan teased, sitting down beside Henry, who had already moved over. "I'd love to, thank you. You've missed your chance to have me do your order, though. We're officially on Nova's time. Another warning, it's… Slow."

Regina chuckled. She liked the warrior woman. Mulan was good looking, too. In place of Ruby's frankly vulgar (though deliciously appealing if you liked that sort of thing) take on the uniform, Mulan wore a sheer red blouse over black skinny jeans and boots. Ignoring the other jeans-boots combo that sprang to mind, the outfit was attractive yet unassuming, and Regina enjoyed it.

Mulan shared some funny stories of the day, then helped translate their order into Nova. When Henry told her about Regina's relationship with fries, Mulan grinned and ordered a large portion for herself.

As they waited (37 minutes) for Nova to bring their drinks, Regina realised that it actually felt good to be in the company of someone outside her immediate family. Perhaps she'd been overly cautious… No one was staring at them, those she'd greeted seemed friendly but not simpering or patronising, and Mulan was _fun_. She had a spark to her, a twinkle in her eyes, that settled Regina - she felt her expression relax; tension seeped from her shoulders and smiles came more and more easily as she enjoyed her haphazard meal and even tried a milkshake coated french fry.

She was mid-bite, in fact, when a broody shadow was cast over their table by none other than her previous source for fried, potatoey goodness, Miss Emma Swan.

"Oh, hey, Regina. I didn't think I'd see you in here."

"Heny and I are celebrating his hard work catching up at school, and we asked Mulan to join us."

"For the fries?" Emma asked a little snippily. She didn't know why she didn't like the idea of Regina eating someone else's fries, she just didn't. Mulan wasn't family, she wasn't even Regina's friend so far as Emma knew. So why was she sitting here, happy as you like, feeding Regina fries as if she'd been doing it for years? Regina ate _Emma's_ fries. Or Henry's, but he was their son, that was allowed. Mulan was a stranger, you didn't just share fries with strangers.

"Emma, are you alright? You seem upset?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, sorry. I just got lost in thought."

Emma gave herself a shake. She liked Mulan, they'd worked well together back when oh yeah she'd dived into a portal saving Regina's ass from that dementor thing and yet Regina had the gall to, right in front of Emma's nose, take another fry and _dip it into Henry's milkshake._ Emma had never been able to persuade her to do that! What was going on that she could suddenly dip her fries? Next thing you know she'd be _ordering her own_.

"A lot to think about?" Regina quipped. Emma would have returned with a witty comeback but she couldn't think of one.

"I'm meeting Killian in five, we're gonna, uh, eat."

"Since you are in a diner, that would make sense. Mulan advises extreme caution regarding the complexities of your order - the waitress is new."

"Oh, does she?" Emma asked, without really thinking.

"Is there a problem?" Regina replied, catching Emma's snide tone. What was up with her these days? Regina liked to consider Miss Swan a worthy and fascinating opponent (and friend) but recently she'd been… dull.

"No. Sorry, I'll just go." Emma turned to leave.

"Wait, Ma!"

She realised, with horror, that she'd been so preoccupied with Regina's choice of dinner companion that she had barely said hello to her son.

"Sorry, Henry. I was somewhere else."

"That's okay. I wanted to tell you, I got an A on my math test!"

"Hey, that's great, kid! Seriously, I'm proud of you."

Regina watched Emma's eyes with curiosity. Even when she spoke to Henry, while they lit up a little, they were still dim, only an echo of the lively character she had once been. Regina decided to text her later (she originally thought call but if she was on a date with the pirate Regina would much rather not interrupt whatever they did behind closed doors) and invite her to the park with Henry on Saturday. They could take a walk and hopefully, manage a decent conversation.

Emma exchanged a few more words with Henry, then Killian appeared and she left to sit with him. Mulan brushed off the bizarre exchange (or lack of exchange, where she was concerned) with the saviour. She was beginning to wonder, though, if perhaps the title needed a "former" in front of it.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma sat down at the table in Granny's that was unofficially reserved for the most romantic date of the evening. Since Killian's dramatic reappearance, they'd taken on that title not just in the diner but in the entire town. According to local gossip, they had a love so pure and so strong it could even conquer death. Emma thought the townspeople had swallowed far too many fairytales.

The thing was, Killian's return had been nothing to do with her. He'd told her to move on, everyone had told her to move on. Her father had helped her grieve (though in a rather bossy, patriarchal way), her mother had consoled her, and Regina… Emma couldn't think about Regina right now. Doing so, even for a moment, had her fidgeting in her seat with frustration and anger and confusion. Why was she here, why did she have to be here of all places, with _their_ son but _another woman_? What kind of twisted game was she trying to play this time? Was it another ploy to unsettle Emma, an attempt to convolute Emma's feelings for her boyfriend because Regina hadn't wanted him to come back?

The animosity between Regina and Hook was no secret. Hook had captured Regina and offered her up to be tortured and killed; in fact, he'd risked many more lives than hers. Emma had forgiven him, but she had never held it against Regina when the former queen was wary of trusting the reformed pirate. Also, Emma had to admit, she'd snickered several times at the monicas Regina had bestowed on him.

Anyway, so there she was with Captain Guyliner in the seat opposite. He was drinking beer out of a wine glass (the waitress really was terrible) and smirking at her with an air of self satisfied entitlement he'd rarely been without since his restoration. Purged of darkness (as he put it) and animated not by magic but by brilliant, Godly power, he was even more of a misogynistic asshole than he'd been when he'd been a cis, straight, white guy. He was nice, sometimes, but Emma knew what they had now wasn't true love, and if they had ever loved each other, they didn't (both) any more.

What kept her with him (and kept her up at night) was, to put it simply, guilt. Guilt that she didn't love him enough, that she wouldn't have missed him enough, that she might have preferred it if… If things had just happened naturally. She should have never gone to the underworld. He had wanted to die, that whole time, he had wanted to die, and she supposed this was her punishment for refusing to honor his wishes. It was all her fault, her cross to bear (she balked at the Jesus imagery but in a twisted, messed up way, it fitted perfectly, if nonsensically) and her questions (why, of all people, save him?) just added to her inner torment. If she were a good person, she wouldn't be asking them.

She was distracted from her contemplations by the sound of raucous laughter echoing through the diner as another group got up to leave. She recognised the voices and scowled as she turned to watch Regina, Henry and _Mulan_ leave the diner together. _Together_. As in, going on to somewhere else, _together_. Mulan lived at the diner, she had no reason to leave, but there she was, eyes sparkling, abs rippling (Emma imagined, anyway), as she held the door open for Regina and Henry (Who was she to hold the door for them? Were they _her_ family now?) then followed them through it. Emma had half a mind to get up and confront her about it, but realised, reluctantly, that she had no right to do that, and that it would probably be frowned upon, not least by her boyfriend.

Hook misread Emma's displeasure as dislike for the Evil Queen, which he shared, so made no comment.

Emma tracked the objectionable trio through the window as they continued their noisy joviality all the way into Regina's Mercedes, which looked swankier than ever as she swept away with Mulan riding shotgun, no doubt snacking on the M&Ms Emma kept in the glove compartment (on pain of excruciation if she ever got chocolate on the car). She was probably hogging the blue ones, too - those were Henry and Emma's favourite. Regina liked the red ones best; she was probably letting Mulan pop them into her mouth as she drove, something Emma had always longed to do but had never quite had the courage to suggest.

BREAK

Regina pulled around the back of the diner come B&B to let Mulan jump out and grab her bag of delicate laundry that she didn't want minced by Granny's industrial washer/dryers.

"Thank you so much for this, Mayor Mills," she said, hopping back into the car.

"Regina, please, and don't worry about it. Back in the enchanted forest, I had a special maid whose only job was to launder my delicate items. I completely understand."

"Actually, I've only had these kinds of clothes since coming here," Mulan admitted. "I never had time for them as a warrior… I'm enjoying the change of pace."

"And waitressing was really the change you desired?" Regina queried.

Henry, on his phone in the back and only half listening, wondered how his mother managed to sound condescending so much of the time. Mulan took it well, though.

"Yes, actually. I'm good at it, I mean, Nova's actually worked there longer than me. And it's a great way to meet everyone, to get to know the town, make some friends - I mean, it got me a place to do laundry, I'd say that's a huge plus."

Regina laughed. "I cannot argue with that. Do you suppose it will be a permanent lifestyle?"

Mulan shrugged. "I mean, something better might come along, but it hasn't yet. Granny likes having some help around the house, too, so she's letting me live there for free in return for helping her out. It's a pretty sweet deal, I don't imagine I'd get a better place. And… I've never been settled before. Since… Well, you probably know about Aurora. She definitely knew who you were. And since I, uh, since she stopped needing my help, I don't think I ever stayed in the same place for more than five minutes. I hooked up with Red for a while, but that was still moving, and then she found Dorothy and yeah, I guess I just fell into things here. Red told me she hated feeling tied to Granny, but I have to say I kind of like the attachment. Maybe I just feed off being needed."

"There are worse things to be fuelled by," Regina said mildly. "And I for one am glad you're sticking around for a while."

"Me too," Henry piped up.

They arrived at the mansion and unloaded; Henry kissed his mother on the cheek (she had bought him a milkshake) and disappeared to his room, promising to come down again before bedtime for a cup of cocoa and a conversation. Regina smiled with pure love, then showed Mulan to the laundry room.

"It's fairly self explanatory. I have a few things to do in my office, but come on in when you've put the wash on and we can have a drink if you like."

"Sounds perfect."

Regina headed for her office but found it difficult to concentrate on work. She was _very_ preoccupied about Emma, especially now that she knew Henry was worried too. She remembered planning to send a text message; she took out her phone and her fingers hovered over the screen as she wondered how to phrase it.

 _ **Good evening, Emma. Henry and I going to the park on Saturday; we plan to go for a walk and then have a picnic lunch. You are more than welcome to join us, should you wish to. Regina.**_

Emma looked away from the salad she was picking up to check her phone (which still played the first nine notes of Darth Vader's theme for Regina's unique notification) and read the message. She replied immediately.

 _yes plz_

Regina rolled her eyes.

 _ **Would it kill you to use correctly punctuated English?**_

Emma actually _smiled_.

 _wd it kill u not 2b a pedant?_

 _ **No, but it would further the massacre of a language of which I am rather fond.**_

 _Touch_ _é_ _, Your Majesty. I must admit to being against massacre. (And do you have any idea how long it took me to figure out that_ _é_ _thing?! You torture me.)_

 _ **You like it.**_

Emma was about to respond with something daring and flirtatious until she remembered two things. 1) She was on a date with her boyfriend and 2) (far more importantly) _Mulan_ was at Regina's house right now, after eating a family dinner and sharing her fries and educating Regina in fry-and-milkshake consumption and making her laugh and generally ruining everything. Not that there'd been anything to ruin. But if there had been, it would definitely have been ruined.

So instead of responding, Emma looked up at Killian and did her best to flash him a smile. He didn't produce the most honest smiles in her, but she tried, and he responded with a menacing leer which he probably thought was attractive to her. Which wasn't his fault - why shouldn't he think that? She acted as if it was.

BREAK

Regina stared at her notification-free phone for another minute, then set it pointedly on her desk, silenced, face down, full "I couldn't care less if I tried" mode. Mulan caught her at it, though, which kind of ruined the whole game.

"Who are you avoiding?" the warrior-waitress asked.

"No one," Regina lied.

"Come on," Mulan said, flopping onto the couch with the air of someone who had lived in places that were not her own so often that she felt perfectly at home anywhere. "You're letting me wash my undies here. The least I can do is throw my two cents at whatever problem you're having. You need me to decapitate anyone for you?"

"I am perfectly capable of performing my own decapitations, thank you," Regina said primly, but she thought of Henry and softened a little. "I… I am having trouble with a friend of mine. I'm worried about her, but she was even more off than usual today and she abruptly ended what seemed to be the first friendly conversation we've had in weeks."

Regina frowned at her upside-down phone.

"Don't look," Mulan advised. "Take a breather. Is the friend Emma?"

"How did you know?"

"Because I was there," Mulan pointed out. "And Regina… Do you really not know what was bothering her?" She asked this as if somehow Regina _should_ know.

"No, I have no idea."

Mulan thought about this. But it wasn't her place, they didn't really know each other, and she could be wrong…

"Why, do you know?" Regina demanded.

Mulan sighed. "No, not really. I just… I got the impression… But I probably misread it. She has been weird lately. She's nothing like when I first met her."

"True. I blame the pirate. I'd like to rip his throat out- But I mustn't. I told Henry we mustn't talk about Emma behind her back, either. I plan to talk to her, in person, at the weekend. Perhaps we will make some headway. I fear she's slipping away from us, from Henry especially, and after all we've been through I find that… Desperately sad."

"I guess… I mean, I know she loves the kid. That hasn't changed, that kind of thing _doesn't_ change. She's been through a lot. And love makes people… Well, again. You know about Aurora. She used to be my best friend, but love, loving Philip, _did_ pull us apart. I'm sure she would be my friend again now, maybe things would even be better than before, but that would be hard for me, of course, and neither of us is in a place where that's really possible."

Regina was worried at how much this cut into her heart. "You mean… There was a period during your friendship where she pulled away because she was so close to Philip?"

Mulan nodded. "Yes, exactly- But that was a totally different situation. I'm projecting, and actually, I really don't think this is what's going on. Aurora and Philip, they were meant to be. Emma and Killian, well… Killian's meant to be dead."

Regina allowed herself a smile. Mulan had an entertaining way of putting things sometimes.

"We shall see, I suppose. Miss Swan is a smart woman. I must have faith that she'll make the right choices, for herself and her son."

"Dispassionate wisdom if ever I heard it. How about that drink?"

Yes, Regina was growing ever fonder of Mulan.

Henry appeared for his cocoa; Regina and Mulan each had a small glass of cider. After an hour of proving stereotypes about teenagers completely wrong, Henry went to bed and Mulan retrieved her laundry, putting it into a plastic bag so she could hang it up at home.

"I apologise if this is rather forward, but Aurora… What I mean is, will there ever be anyone else for you?" Regina asked.

She was thinking, really, about herself and Robin. While her life was not dominated by grief, and the guilt was slowly lessening with time, she was curious… Daniel had told her to love again, and she had, or she had tried, at least. But could one love again, again? And would it ever be the same? Sometimes Regina wasn't entirely sure that she had ever loved anyone - and in a way that made her all the more curious about Mulan's feelings, which clearly ran deep.

Mulan sensed the layers to the question, put down her bag, and poured them another drink.

"So, firstly, please tell me what you're really asking."

Regina gulped some cider and did so, articulating her thoughts fairly well once she got over the hurdle of trusting anyone with anything personal. Mulan nodded through the speech, sipped her own drink, and took her turn at wondering how much to reveal.

"I still love her," Mulan said slowly. "And unlike your boys, she isn't dead. But I don't think… I don't think it was true love, because true love is returned."

Regina didn't quite hold back her eye roll. Mulan raised a questioning eyebrow.

"True love isn't real," Regina explained. "I mean, it is, but all it means is honest, trusting love. It's not some kind of special magic that only two people can share. Love breaks curses because it's love, not because of some fateful, preordained matching system as _some_ people would believe."

Mulan had to laugh. "Okay, okay, it's just love, then. But she didn't return it, and now… Well, you're by far the most attractive person that I've had a real conversation with in months, but I'm pretty sure your heart belongs to another, and I don't mess with things like that."

Regina assumed she meant Robin and took the statement as respect and kindness.

"There are plenty of other people…"

"Honestly, I… It's not that important to me. There's so much more to life. I bought a motorcycle, for example, one of those monstrous metal machines people in this world drive. I'm terrified of it, but it's new and exciting and _that's_ what I want. Thinking like that might help you too, Regina. And Emma. There's so much… So much that you can do here, so much you can have and experience. We're lucky, we're all so lucky to have ended up in Storybrooke and I for one intend to enjoy myself."

Regina blinked. She hadn't heard anything so sensible in far too long.

"You are quite right," she said firmly.

Mulan grinned. "I know," she said, climbing out of her seat. "And now, Regina, I have to go hang these up before they go musty and I'm back to square one."

"Would you like a-"

"You can't drive tonight, and it would take longer for a taxi to show up than it'll take me to walk."

Regina started to say that Mulan shouldn't walk the streets alone at night, but remembered who she was talking to and thought better of it. Mulan winked and tapped her leg.

"I keep a dagger in my sock, just in case," she said. Regina was fairly sure she wasn't joking.

BREAK

next: regina returns a mislaid (personal) item and emma gets the wrong idea (which _really_ sets things in motion)


	3. Chapter 3

**friday morning**

Regina strolled leisurely along the sidewalk, a satisfied smile resting comfortably on her face. Henry had bounced out of bed in a wonderful mood (against all the odds, him being a teenager) and helped her make breakfast; he'd even dried the dishes that she washed when they were done eating. _And_ he'd allowed her to walk him to the bus stop, which he was not always keen on, even when they were getting along. They'd arranged to meet outside city hall for the demolition; Zelena, Beanie (baby Robin, Emma had invented the name and it had stuck, rather to Regina's relief), Snow, Charming, Emma - the whole family was going to be there. Regina imagined most of the town would appear to offer their "support" at this difficult time.

In fact, the decision, while emotional, was also practical. High doses of magic had strange effects on electrical equipment, and the servers powering most of the town's organisational systems (including the dreaded budget reports) had been growing increasingly frazzled. The relocation and eventual rebuilding of city hall was, indeed, a good idea. Regina just hoped they didn't think of her as the crazy widower taking out her grief by blowing things up. Then again, so what if they did?

She arrived home, steps still relatively springy, and decided to improve the shining hour by putting on a load of laundry. Careful _not_ to inspect Henry's heap of dirty clothes too carefully, she dropped them in the basket and carried it downstairs. She was about to haul them into the machine when she noticed a flash of red caught in the drum. She set down the basket and reached in to investigate the mysterious item. She blushed a little when she realised what it was, but after a moment, chuckled. This was a part of friendship she could definitely handle. It reminded her a little of her life in the Enchanted Forest. Not the substandard bathroom facilities or the pesky, needy peasants, but the amusements being Queen had occasionally afforded, involving beautiful blonde women in low cut red dresses…

She gave herself a little shake and removed the red lacy panties, which were most definitely not hers (or product of any salacious encounter), from her washer and hung them on the radiator to dry, then put on the laundry as she'd intended. Now that she'd faced the diner (and the populace), the idea of another trip for lunch was actually almost appealing. She could show off her new dress - she felt rather pretty today, which despite what you might expect, was a rare thing.

Two hours later, house spotless and gleaming, Regina put on her favourite black trench coat and was about to head out when she remembered the original purpose of her trip. She hurried back to the laundry room and grabbed the panties, and with no better place to put them, tucked them into her pocket.

She was aware, somewhat, of the suggestive nature of her actions, but she had a feeling Mulan would share in her amusement at it. A bit of faux-flirting wouldn't do anyone any harm, and Regina felt… Keen to maintain her happy mood. She felt as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen which would destroy her happiness and bring her the misery she most probably deserved. Her boyfriend was dead, she had watched him die… And she felt happier and freer than she had done in months, perhaps even years. She missed him, she truly did, but his death had been final. He was _gone_. Case closed, goodbye, the end. Perhaps it was cold, perhaps it was dark, but Regina refused to fester or wallow. She was moving on.

Speaking of people who might benefit from moving on - Emma Swan entered the diner moments ahead of her. Regina greeted her with a smile and a nod. Emma responded with a pained grimace Regina assumed had been an attempt at friendliness.

Regina's favourite waitress was behind the bar, serving coffee. Emma scowled at Regina's back as the brunette approached the bar, smiled, and began easy chatter, or maybe even _banter_ , with Mulan. They'd been together most of last night (Emma knew this because she'd been at the diner until it closed and Mulan still hadn't returned when Granny pointedly brought her the bill and started mopping the floor under her feet) - did they really need to talk again _already_? Emma kicked the toe of one boot into the heel of the other. It didn't make her feel better. She did it again. Her left big toe protested. Emma sighed, still watching Regina and her oh-so-fancy new friend laugh it up over greasy formica.

Emma wondered what was so freaking hilarious. She felt like an elementary school teacher - _if it's so funny, why don't you stand up and share it with the rest of the class?_ Ugh. She wanted to growl. They were turning her into something she hated. And yes, it was their fault! It wasn't _her_ fault. She couldn't help being in here, she couldn't help seeing them, watching them, having to wait for them to finish their sickening bonding session so she could get her coffee…

She was on the point of breaking up their decidedly rude conversation (it had been going on for at least 30 seconds) when Regina reached into her pocket and produced something unmistakable. Emma gasped. Loudly. And then she froze, torn between screaming and crying and ripping Mulan's head off, as Regina passed the lacy red panties into the waiting warrior's hand with a smirk that told Emma _exactly_ how they'd come to be in her FORMER best friend's possession.

Then Mulan giggled. The giggle was the final straw. How could she have the gall to _giggle_ at a time like this? Was she not aware of what she was doing, what she was destroying? She had no right, no right whatsoever to take everything Emma held dear and behave as if it was all hers to giggle at after, what, a day?

Emma stormed up to the bar and glared from woman to woman. They seemed confused. But it was all an act.

"You're a right bitch, you know that?" Emma spat at Mulan. Then she turned to Regina. "And as for you… I don't even know what to say to you right now."

If Emma hadn't appeared to be in desperate agony, Regina might have boxed her ears for her rudeness. As it was, she was simply baffled.

"You do not need to say anything," Regina said stiffly, collecting her coffee. She smiled apologetically at Mulan, then left the diner without so much as a backward glance.

Emma stared after her, pining. She continued to do so until Mulan dumped a cup of coffee down in front of her so hard it sloshed out from under the lid and dripped down the sides.

"Listen, I get that you have issues," Mulan hissed, "but don't take them out on Regina. She's been through a lot. Did it ever occur to you that she might just need you as a friend?"

Emma picked up her soggy coffee. "You seem to have the _position_ under control," she retorted, then stalked out of the diner leaving Mulan to ponder what on earth she meant.

Mulan did ponder, for the duration of the lunch rush. She thought about Emma, about Hook, about how she'd announced his return, about how she _hadn't wanted to_ announce his return, especially not to Regina, about how she always wanted to be with Regina, how she threw her life on the line for Regina time and again, how she and Regina made magic together. And then Mulan thought about her hunch the night before, about how Emma and Regina were behaving (like a couple of horny teenagers), and how Emma really deserved some payback for being jealous as hell, considering she was pretty much fated to get the girl while Mulan was left alone. Again. Mulan sighed. She was resigned to her place, no matter how hot Regina was. Some people were just meant to be.

Even if they were idiots.

She tapped out a message.

 _ **Hey, you never got any lunch in the end. Want me to bring you some?**_

 _Thank you, but I've lost my appetite._

 _ **Actually I have some thoughts on that.**_

 _Some thoughts on my eating habits?_

Mulan cackled. Not quite yet, but maybe soon… Okay, it probably wasn't the most honourable thing in the world to imagine two of her friends getting it on, but you couldn't deny it was an attractive picture…

 _ **Not exactly. I think I know why Emma was being such a…**_

 _Bitch?_

 _ **You said it, not me. I think she saw you give me my panties back.**_

 _That's entirely possible, but it does nothing to explain her atrocious behaviour._

Mulan groaned. They were so _slow_.

 _ **Doesn't it? Think about it, Regina. If you saw someone handing me a pair of fancy underwear the morning after they went to my place, what would you infer?**_

 _I'm not denying the connotations,_ Regina typed with a smirk _, but I fail to see why that would bother Miss Swan._

 _ **Really? Has she ever been a fan of your sex life?**_ Mulan was tempted to add "with other people" but she wanted Regina to at least _try_ to get there on her own.

 _She didn't like Robin, but she had her reasons. What does that have to do with anything?_

 _ **Well, if you saw a panty pass, why might it make you angry?**_ Mulan felt like a teacher making desperate hints to guide a struggling student in the right direction.

Regina rolled her eyes at "panty pass". Was it a _thing_ now?

 _If I were jealous, I suppose. But Miss Swan is not jealous._

There was a beat.

 _Is she?_

Mulan waited again. Was she finally getting it?

 _Did you and she have an encounter in the Enchanted Forest?! Perhaps she is still interested, though it's entirely unreasonable considering she has a boyfriend… Then again, she didn't seem entirely delighted when he returned from the dead._

Mulan gaped at the message. Seriously?

 _ **She's not into ME, Regina.**_

 _Then who is she into?_

Another pause.

 _You cannot possibly be suggesting that Miss Swan is interested in ME._

Mulan grinned at her phone.

 _Can you?_

Oh, this was too good. Mulan waited…

 _I demand that you answer me and clearly state what you're implying!_

 _ **Calm your tits, Your Majesty. Yes. I think she's into you. I kind of guessed last night, but this… She had jealous written all over her face.**_

 _But she is in love with the pirate._

Regina hoped that hope could not be picked up on through text messages. Could it really be possible?

 _ **Is she?**_

 _She has declared it, on numerous occasions._

 _ **And that means that she is?**_

 _I do not see why she would lie._

 _ **I think you of all people might have a very good idea about why.**_

Regina bit her lip. Mulan was good. Very good.

 _Are you sure?_

 _ **Not entirely.**_

And then Regina had a brainwave. Maybe it came from her memories of being the Evil Queen, maybe it was just sparked by a burning desire for payback. Either way, she knew exactly how to find out whether Emma Swan was really… interested in her.

She smiled. She felt _young._ Her stomach was tingling, _tingling_ , with something like butterflies. Regina hadn't felt butterflies since Daniel. And suddenly all her confusion, all her worries about Emma, were clicking into place. There were still a lot of complications, but this… This made sense. And teasing her, flirting with her, luring out the tank-top wearing, chainsaw wielding, bright eyed sparring partner Regina had loved to hate three years ago seemed like an excellent goal, not just for Regina's own good, but for the good of the entire town.

Yes. Regina would get the old Emma Swan back by flirting her royal butt off. For the town. Definitely for the town.

 _I have the perfect solution. Pick me up for the demolition. Fashionably late, please. And on your motorcycle._

 **friday afternoon - the soon to be ex city hall**

Emma stood with her parents, rubbing her arms (she always seemed to be cold these days) and pretending not to be glad Hook had made "other plans". She looked around; there was a lively turn out. The dwarves, being miners and used to controlled explosions (apparently) were having great fun setting up the dynamite of this world, and some bright spark had even set up a hot chocolate stand.

"You look pained, sweetheart," Snow told her daughter. She was trying not to comment on Emma's recent pallor, but it was getting seriously worrying. Snow was a die-hard believer in true love, and after what had happened with Regina and Daniel, she had vowed to be supportive of her children's romances, no matter what. But the no matter what had an implied clause that the romances would be positive. Snow was struggling to cope with the idea that Emma's partner could be the right person for her when he seemed to make her so utterly miserable.

David, ever reasonable and wise, had pointed out Emma's misery might not necessarily have anything to do with Hook. But he was overly fond of the pirate, in Snow's opinion. She had never found out exactly what happened between them in Neverland (she hadn't really wanted to) but there was bonding and there was _bonding_ , and while Hook might have done right by her husband, Snow wasn't convinced this ought to earn him a free pass.

"Just cold," Emma said. In a way it was true. There was a cold ache in her chest that no amount of cocoa or blankets could shake. What she didn't tell her mother was that it had been there for most of her life. She was noticing it a lot more lately… It was the same cold that convinced her she was weak, lesser, difficult to love… It was a cold that came from being given up, time and again.

David wrapped his scarf around his daughter's neck.

"I'll fetch us some drinks."

Henry appeared just as he left, hand in hand with Violet with a smile on his face which showed just how pleased he was to be so.

"Hey, Ma, Grandma. You know Violet."

Violet was adorable (and clever) as ever; she and Snow began talking about archery techniques. Henry, only the tiniest bit worried at his girlfriend's apparent deadly streak, sidled over to his birth mother.

"Looking forward to some crashing and burning?" she asked him.

"Buildings don't actually burn when they're demolished, Ma."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I _know_. But it's an expression. Just some crashing, then."

"Yeah, I guess so. It's kind of the end of an era… Mom loved this building when I was a kid. I used to play here, in her office. She was really fun, when I was little. I mean, she is now too, but she's had all her redemption… What I mean is, she might still have been evil but she was kind at the same time. I used to watch her work, playing with my toys, but I remember a couple of times where I got bored and crept under her desk. I used to tickle her feet. And she would scoop me out and pick me up and blow raspberries on my tummy, and then join in whatever game I was playing."

" _Regina_ blew raspberries?"

"Yep. And crawled around on the floor."

"In pencil skirts?

"Are those the tight ones she wears to kick butt in meetings?"

"Yes, those are the ones," Emma chuckled.

"Yes, sometimes. She does actually own sweatpants, though."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Although I think they're designer."

Emma laughed more. "Do they have writing on the butt?"

Henry gave her a look. "You're weird. No, I don't think so. Ask her."

"Because that would be less weird."

"You're her friend. I don't know what women talk about. Don't they talk about clothes?"

Emma swatted the back of his head. "Probably no more than you do."

Henry grinned. "Watch out, Ma. You're almost smiling!"

Emma made a face. "I smile plenty. Why is everyone suggesting I don't?"

"Uh, because you don't. I'm sorry, Mom, I know you're dealing with stuff and the underworld was really hard… What I should have said is it's really nice when we can laugh together. It's almost like it used to be, when we did Operation Cobra. Except now I know _both_ my Moms are cool."

Emma put her arm around him. "You're a good kid, Henry. I… I don't know what's up with me. I just feel… Empty, I guess."

Henry was about to tell her maybe she should have some more fun when a collective gasp from the crowd had them both turning to stare at the motorcycle which had just roared to a halt. Its two leather clad riders swung to the ground and removed their helmets with such hypnotic synchrony it _had_ to be practised. (Okay, it had been, but only three times before they'd left and only because it looked _awesome_.)

Regina shook out her hair and grinned at her racing heart. That had been _amazing._

Her eyes met Mulan's and they shared a tiny nod. They were going to do this. Regina bit her lip. This, they most definitely had not rehearsed.

Mulan took a step towards her, hyper aware of the watching crowd. But screw them. She was about to kiss the hottest woman in town.

Somewhat to her relief, while Regina was an excellent kisser, the fireworks were Walmart DIY pack at most. Mulan was glad to agree they were better as friends. That didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the kiss, though…

Snow cleared her throat. Zelena clapped. David studied his shoes. Henry watched Emma turn purple.

Regina was experiencing a colour change of her own. It had been a long time since she had been kissed like that in public, and it had never been with a woman. She blushed as her eyes met the crowd, but continued a surreptitious scan for Emma and her reaction.

The sub-par saviour did not disappoint. While her face was purple, her eyes were the green of true jealous rage, and she was already marching over. Regina even detected a hint of her old swagger.

"In front of Henry? Seriously?" Emma spat.

Regina smiled sweetly. "I didn't know you were a homophobe, Miss Swan. Henry sees you kiss your boyfriend all the time."

"I… I meant the motorcycle!" Emma covered, kind of hating herself, but in a really angry-at-Regina way. "Those things are dangerous."

"They're hardly more dangerous than your death trap of a Beetle."

"Don't. Insult. My. Car," Emma growled.

"Oh, but it's so _easy_ ," Regina murmured with a flash of full-on evil in her eyes.

"You… You… You…" Emma attempted, but to no avail. Regina had her beat. "This isn't over!" she declared eventually before turning on her heel.

"I certainly hope not," Regina grinned.


	4. Chapter 4

**friday night**

"Henry, why are you looking at my butt? Did I sit in something unsavoury?"

Henry froze like a deer in the headlights.

"No, Mom, actually I was checking if your sweatpants had writing there."

Regina raised an eyebrow.

"Why were you checking that?"

"Er, no reason…"

" _Henry_."

"Fine, fine, don't go all Evil Queen on me. Emma asked."

"Emma asked if I had writing on my butt?" Regina smirked.

"Er, yeah, pretty much."

"Just in general, or was the question more specific?" She was trying not to laugh.

"On your sweatpants."

"May I ask why you and Miss Swan were discussing my sweatpants?"

"It just came up in conversation earlier, I don't know. But then you were wearing them right after we were talking about it and I told her I _wouldn't_ check but I mean, since they were right _there_ …"

Regina gave in to her laughter. "Henry, please stop looking so terrified. I don't mind."

Her son exhaled in a huge sigh of relief.

"Can we put the movie back on now?" he asked.

They were watching _Maleficent_ (for the sixth time but who was counting?) and eating takeout pizza straight from the box, though Henry had sworn on pain of moving across the country not to tell a soul.

Regina decided not to torture him further and played the movie, munching thoughtfully on her pizza. So Emma was interested in her pants…

"Mom?" Henry asked suddenly, pressing pause. Talking over Angelina Jolie was forbidden in the Mills household.

"Yes, dear?"

Henry wanted to ask about what had happened with Mulan, but having summoned the courage to stop the movie, he was struggling to phrase his question.

"Earlier, you and Mulan… I just… I mean, I'm happy for you, but… I don't know, sorry, I…"

Regina had been expecting the question; it had only been a matter of time. She'd thought, a lot, about what she would say to him. In the end she'd decided that she didn't really have a choice. She would have to tell him the truth. He was thirteen, he would understand. She hoped. She began cautiously,

"It's okay, Henry. It makes sense that you want to talk about it. But, to be totally honest, I should probably confess something."

There was a pause. Henry was still a little nervous of his brunette mother's confessions. You could never be entirely sure she wasn't about to admit to yet more heinous crimes. Not that Henry actually held these against her, not any more. She was a complicated woman, but she'd always done right by him. And now he knew her story, while he knew she'd done wrong, he kind of understood.

"Confess what?" he asked eventually.

"I… Remember Operation Mongoose?"

Henry smiled. "Of course."

"Right, well, Mulan is helping me with… Something like that. Sort of. And you can help too. If you want to. Either way, I'm going to tell you about it, because I vowed never to lie to you again, so… Mulan and I didn't really kiss."

"Er, Mom, I may only be thirteen, but I'm pretty sure you kissed!"

Regina chuckled awkwardly. "Yes, I mean, we did kiss, but we were pretending."

"Pretending? Why were you pretending?"

Regina took a deep breath.

"We were, well, I was, trying to make Emma jealous... But she deserves it, she _needs_ it! She's been so unlike herself lately and she needs something to bring her back and Mulan and I noticed how strangely she acted when we spent time together and we realised she was jealous and for a moment she was _her_ again, she found her strength, her spark, so I know it's unorthodox, but I want that spark, I want her to find her independence, I want to light her up again."

"And you making out with Mulan is going to do that?"

"It worked this afternoon," Regina pointed out.

Henry had to admit that she was right.

"So, are you and Mulan, like, fake dating now?"

Regina shook her head. "No… This plan… It's going to take more than just Mulan."

There was another long pause, but then Henry smiled. Because yeah, he thought the plan was really weird. But grown ups, and women at that, _were_ weird. And in the end, the point was that his Moms were trying to get together. Kind of. Sort of. In a way. He'd take what he could get.

"Emma likes your pencil skirts," he said, then played the movie before Regina could say anything else.

BREAK

The movie was over, Henry was in bed, and Regina was (deep) cleaning the living room. She was just removing the couch cushion covers to scrub them before putting them through the washer when her phone pinged.

 _ **I guess tomorrow's off, then?**_

Emma. Regina bit her lip. She was treating this like a game, but hurting the blonde… Well, it hurt her too. Not that she had anything to feel guilty about, not really. Emma was hurting herself, and she had to at least figure out what she wanted before Regina could help her with anything.

 _If you can mind your manners, you are still welcome to join us._

Mulan had actually suggested coming along to the picnic too, but Regina, for some reason, had declined. She wanted tomorrow to be about her family, no matter the "operation" she was running on Emma. She treasured the time they spent together, just the three of them, and in a way all of. well, all of what she was planning, was really about getting more of that time back.

 _ **Meet you at your house at 11?**_

Regina could sense the meekness even in the four-word message, and she replied immediately.

 _We look forward to seeing you._

Emma read the text and felt a grin break across her face. We. Not "Henry". We.

 _Don't be late._

The second text had Emma outright laughing. Regina Mills was a piece of work, an evil piece of work, but she was also so _her_ , Emma could imagine her eyes twinkling as she wrote that message, a wicked smirk on her lips as she sharpened her friendliness into instruction.

"What's so funny?" Snow asked.

Emma was at her parents' for Friday night dinner; she was sitting in the armchair nursing a beer as her parents cuddled up on the couch. She hadn't realised anyone was paying much attention to her.

"Regina," she replied without really thinking.

"Regina? Really? I thought you two were fighting," Snow said, surprised.

David made frantic "stop" gestures but his wife ignored him. David was of the strong opinion that you should leave people to their own love life drama. Especially when "people" were Regina and Emma.

"We made up," Emma said slowly, trying to gauge her mother's feelings. She still wasn't sure how Snow felt about the former Evil Queen.

"That's… nice," Snow said. "So did she tell you about Mulan? I have to say, that surprised a lot of people. And I don't blame you at all for being upset, I mean, there were _children_ present."

Emma took a swig of beer. To think she'd _wanted_ parents. (Of course, she still did, she loved them beyond words, but they could be so blind and irritating sometimes.)

"I'm not here to give you gossip about Regina," Emma snapped. "If you want to know about her love life, ask her yourself. Though I'd understand if she didn't want you to be involved, considering past mistakes."

It was low, and Emma regretted it even before her father told her to back off.

"Sorry, Mom," she said. "I… I was thrown by it, as you know. I don't really want to talk about it. Although, the children thing… I was wrong to say that earlier and it's wrong to say that now. They just kissed, and people should be able to kiss whoever they want, in public, in front of children, wherever. I'm seeing Regina tomorrow, I'm going to apologise to her then as well."

Snow nodded. "It's okay, sweetheart. I touched a nerve, I don't hold what you said against you. And you're right… Things were very different in the Enchanted Forest. If homosexuality even existed-"

"Mom. It existed."

"Right, well, it was never talked about. I hardly knew it was possible before we came here."

Emma tried not to roll her eyes. How could her mother be so _nice_ and so ignorant at the same time?

"So you're seeing Regina?" Snow asked, eager for a subject change.

"Yeah, I'm going to the park with her and Henry, like we used to."

Snow beamed. "That sounds lovely. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time, really, I'm so glad you're going."

Snow's gushing was making Emma feel more than a little awkward. "Okay, well, I'm gonna head home now," she said, downing the rest of her beer and rising from her chair.

"You walked here, right? Let me give you a lift," David offered.

"You've been drinking too, Dad," Emma reminded him.

"One beer!"

"And one is enough. I'm happy to walk, I'll enjoy it."

"Is Killian there? It was a shame not to see him tonight."

"He went out with some of his old shipmates. He shouldn't be too late." It wasn't a lie. He _shouldn't_ be late. He probably _would_ be. But that wasn't what Emma had said.

"Alright… Give him our love," Snow said kindly, hiding her qualms about the pirate.

"Will do," Emma told her. "Goodnight."

She let herself out; her parents watched her leave, wondering how on earth they could bring the light back into her eyes. Snow had a thought. She took out her phone, checking the time.

"Do you think it's too late to make a call? It's only just after ten."

David chuckled. "I don't know why you're asking me. I'm useless at Enchanted Forest etiquette, let alone the bizarre technological rules they have here."

Snow punched him playfully on the arm. "You're just making excuses not to help."

David put up his hands. "I learned long ago that interfering fingers are more than likely to get burned. By fireballs."

Snow ignored him and opened her phonebook.

Regina answered on the second ring.

"Is everything okay?" she demanded.

"Yes, everything's fine."

There was an audible sigh of relief.

"I thought… It's very late for a social call, Snow."

"Sorry, I should have realised it might worry you. But we're fine, Neal is fine, Emma just left us to walk home."

"You let her walk home at this hour? Snow, the streets of Storybrooke are hardly safe!"

"Regina, she has magic, she'll be fine."

"I wanted to give her a ride," David cut in. Snow swatted him.

"Magic is not always enough, especially if she's been drinking. Has she been drinking?"

"Only a few beers-"

"A _few_ beers. How many?" Regina demanded.

"Three, four? I don't keep count, she's an adult and she's fine!"

Regina let out an exasperated sound.

"Fine. Fine. Why did you call me, then?"

"I… I actually wanted to talk to you about Emma. I'm worried about her."

"Me too, now!"

"Regina."

Snow thought she could hear Regina rolling her eyes at the phone. "Please, tell me why you are worried," Regina said.

"I… She seems so… Dull. When I first met her, the Emma I know, she's fiery and strong… But it's as if… I don't know whether it's something to do with her relationship, or maybe something leftover from being the dark one, but there's a pain, a darkness, a cloud hanging over her these days that never seems to leave. Her eyes are bloodshot, she drinks too much-"

"And yet you're happy to feed her beers without even keeping track of how many she drinks," Regina couldn't help but interrupt.

"What else should I do? Cut her off and start a fight? She doesn't drink when she's working, it's Friday night, why shouldn't she have a beer. Anyway, the _point_ , Regina, is that I think there's something wrong and she won't tell me anything and if I even suggest there might be something wrong she shoots me down. She won't talk to me and I… I don't know what to do. And for some reason, you understand her. She trusts you, more than anyone else in this town. So I wondered if… If maybe you could help me find out what's going on with her, and help me get the old Emma back."

There was a pause. Regina was glad Snow had at least some awareness of other people's feelings.

"You're right that she won't talk to you. She's not the talking type."

"So how can I make her?"

"There it is, Snow. The spoilt child in you, assuming you can simply make people do things because you think that's what's best."

"You have no right to lecture me, Regina, I…" Snow let her anger die down. She didn't want to fight. "Look, I know, I know I'm getting it wrong with Emma. That's why I'm talking to you."

Regina took a deep breath and counted to ten. Archie's methods were simple (and came from a fake degree) but this one, at least, seemed to be effective. She wondered what to say to Snow. Keeping secrets was definitely not her former stepdaughter's strong suit, but… Regina knew how it felt to be a mother with a miserable child.

"I'm planning something. I want to help her, too."

"That's… That's wonderful news, Regina. What are you planning? How can I help? She said she was meeting you and Henry tomorrow, I was so happy to hear that. Is that part of it? I don't like to tell you what to do but maybe you shouldn't bring Mulan, I mean, it's not that I disapprove or anything but-"

"Slow down, Snow. I'm not bringing Mulan." Regina sighed. "Mulan and I aren't really dating."

"You're not? So the kiss… You're just… I mean, of course, you can do whatever you want, Regina. This is a modern world and who am I to judge…"

David tried not to laugh at the blush on his wife's face. He failed. Regina heard, and laughed too.

"Is that David? Put me on speaker so I can invite him over for lasagne."

"Regina, you're evil!" Snow said, but she put the phone on speaker.

"Hello, Your Majesty," David said, grinning. "Stop torturing my wife. Mulan, huh?"

"Actually… Now, I know the two of you are terrible with secrets. But I also know you love your daughter, and you might well be able to help. You can tell me about her reactions, too - I don't want to push her too far."

"Push her? How are you pushing her?" Snow asked, confused.

"Mulan… It was all an act, Snow. It was to make her jealous."

David raised his eyebrows. "That kiss was an _act_?"

Snow glared at him. "You watched?"

"Snow, I'm human and I have a pulse. I couldn't not watch."

Regina cackled. "You can punish him for it later, Snow. For now, yes, it was an act. For some reason, Emma gets ridiculously jealous when I demonstrate any kind of attraction, or even friendship, really, to another woman. I think she's afraid of being replaced, of not being wanted… But I don't think even _she_ knows that. She has to figure it out, she's not going to talk about it or believe it if someone else tells her. But-"

"Shit," David said.

"What?" Snow asked. David looked as if he'd just had a huge realisation.

"You _like_ her, don't you?" David asked Regina.

There was a pause. Then, "Yes. I think I do," Regina said.

She waited for the Charmings to respond. It was a long, nervous wait.

Snow turned to David. "Well, I prefer her to Hook," she said in the end.

"I'll give you that," he said. "She definitely has better cleavage."

" _David!_ She's _listening_!"

"I appreciate the compliment, Charming. So, are you in?" Regina asked.

"Yes," Snow said firmly, narrowing her eyes at her husband. "In for… What?"

"Well, keeping up the pretence that I'm fucking my way around Storybrooke's eligible females, for one thing, and also reporting back to me on Emma's progress and reactions. And, most importantly, _Snow_ , not telling Emma what I'm up to!"

"Okay. Yes. We're in," Snow said.

David smiled an evil smile. "Hey, Regina, will you just be pretending to date women? Because the lasagne thing… I mean, what would drive Emma crazier than thinking _I'm_ sleeping with you?"

"You are such a lasagne whore!" Snow yelled at him.

"And you're so not getting laid tonight," Regina added. "I'll think about it. Goodnight, lovebirds."

She ended the call. Snow looked her husband up and down.

"You'd best get comfortable," she said, removing his arm from around her shoulders, "because you are sleeping here tonight."

David engaged his sweetest puppy eyes. Snow patted his head.

"Idiot," she said fondly. "Who's lasagne is better, then?"

"Yours!" David said quickly. "Always yours."

BREAK

Emma let herself into her house, feeling only a little fuzzy. She had her phone on silent - Killian and his friends had a habit of drunk-calling her and it was never enjoyable. But the notification flashing on the screen was not from Killian. It was a message, from Regina.

 _ **Please call me when you get home. Nothing is wrong, I just want to be sure that you are safe.**_

Emma smiled, yet again, because of Regina Mills. She called. Regina answered before even one ring was complete.

"Emma," she said, her voice rich with relief.

"You worry too much," Emma told her.

"People I care about have had a habit of dropping dead, lately. One cannot be too careful."

Emma was struck with the bizarre impulse to run all the way to Mifflin just to give Regina a hug.

"Touché."

Emma walked upstairs. The house was empty. She put the phone on speaker, stripped to her underwear, and climbed into bed as Regina said,

"I'm glad you are safe."

"Thank you," Emma said softly, curling up in her blankets.

"Goodnight, Emma," Regina said gently.

"Goodnight," Emma replied, closing her eyes.

It was almost a minute after that before Regina got a hold of herself and ended the call. Emma had breathed nine times. Regina didn't know if she had breathed at all.


End file.
